Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize