The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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