we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize