Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
