i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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