I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
