Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
