Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drake has all the answers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who died my cat blue again?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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