I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
