do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
