I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
