I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
