Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
