But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
