Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
