I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
