half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize