and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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