I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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