My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
