a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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