Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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