Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
