You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
