i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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