Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
