You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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