also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
