your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
