how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
