I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
