It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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