I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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