I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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