And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
