he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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