The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
