Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
