I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
