i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
