There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The best revenge is premature balding
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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