I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You made out with two different species that night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
