At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
