We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
