I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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