idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
