i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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