So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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