You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
