Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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