Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
