Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
