The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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