are you still at the devil's house?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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