I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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