Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
