I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
