hotel room ftw
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have aggressive nipples.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
