so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
