Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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