he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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