There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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