At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
