OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
