a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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