Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
