fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
