So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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