i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my poor anus
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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